Dear Lord Baby Jesus

I’m nice. I’ve always been nice. Shit, be friends with me for more than 10 minutes and in no time I’ll let you walk ALL over me!

Growing up in California, I had many friends. It was never hard for me to make friends. But once you get older it seems that goes away. Add on depression and anxiety and we’re looking at the homebody of the century! I recently moved to Kansas and by recently I mean almost 3 years ago. I met my boyfriend Bradley. Thank God he was born and raised here and knew EVERYONE in this town, or i’d probably still be friendless. I’ve made some great friends. I’ve made some shitty ones. It happens. I will tell you though, the crappiest part of it all is having the friends that smile to your face and stab you in the back as you turn away,

I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “Katie, we’ve all had shitty friends that have stabbed us in the back!” Unfortunately I know this. Since I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression (my one and only double whammy) it takes a much worse toll on me now. Having a friend that long that you think the sun shines out of their ass, and then finding out they have been bad mouthing you the whole time, just hurts so much more than it used to.

Take it back to high school and I was one tough chick! I had people talking shit on me all the time! That’s just what high school kids are like……but now…..I cry when I hear one person has said something negative about me behind my back. Let alone a “friend”. It makes me feel so alone. Like I don’t have anyone in my life. Deep down I know I do, but don’t go telling my anxiety that. She wont have it. (Yes, my anxiety is a she. Fuck off)

How hard is it to just be honest with people! Don’t be fake! You don’t like them?! Okay, don’t fucking invite me to hang out and then talk shit afterwards. I just don’t understand.

 

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